Accident Reports

These are statements from insurance forms where drivers tried to summarize accident details in as few words as possible.

1. Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don’t have.

2. The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intent.

3. I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.

4. In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.

5. I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.

6. I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.

7. I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.

8. My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.

9. As I approached the intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no sign had ever appeared before, making me unable to avoid the accident.

10. I told the police I was not injured, but upon removing my hair, I found that I had a fractured skull.

11. I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.

12. I saw a slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car.

13. The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.

14. I was thrown from my car as it left the road, and was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.

15. A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.

16. I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my head through it.

17. To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.

18. The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.

19. The pedestrian had no idea which way to run, so I ran over him.

20. An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.

21. A truck backed through my windshield into my wife’s face.

22. I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.

Some of these remind me of the statement that the woman that hit me gave under oath during a deposition regarding the accident.

She was an impaired elderly driver that drove her Lincoln Town Car directly into where I was sitting in the passenger seat of my car.  She did this while making an illegal turn.  Her explanation for why she made this illegal turn was that she “decided at the last second that she wanted to go to the mall”.  So instead of driving safely towards an upcoming mall entrance she made a rapid, illegal turn – into my car.  When asked why she made the risky illegal turn across several lanes of traffic, instead of using the other turn off for the mall, she said, “Because that’s not the entrance I usually use.  I like the other street entrance better because it’s closer to Sears.”

That’s right folks.  My life was changed forever because of one elderly lady’s split second decision to go to the mall, and because her preferred parking garage was closer to Sears.

Anyway…. Bare in mind she had months to prepare for this deposition and was heavily represented by legal council provided by her insurance company.  And this is the rest of what she came up with.  (I’m paraphrasing here, because it was a long time ago, but you get the idea.)

Q: Did you see the car before you hit them?

A:  “No.”

Q: Are you certain?

A: “Absolutely.”

Later in deposition:

Q: Why do you believe that you hit their car?

A: “Because they were speeding.”

Q: “They were speeding?”

A: “Yes.”

Q:  Are you certain of that?

A: “Yes”

Q: “Help me understand something here Mam.  You stated earlier that you never saw the car before you hit them.  So if you never saw the car, how did you see them speeding?”

A:  “Well clearly they were speeding, or I wouldn’t have hit them.”

Ahh yes.  That makes perfect sense.  (eye roll)
Oh and for the record, we weren’t speeding.  And we had witnesses to this fact, and a thorough police report clearly stating we were not at all at fault.

But rest assured, she saw the car “speeding” that she did not see.


2 Responses to “Accident Reports”

  1. mct88 Says:

    OMG ROFLOL ! you completely made my day!
    Thank you!!! 🙂

  2. Debbie Says:

    🙂 That’s great! Glad I could bring someone a laugh. I loved the list too. I had to add my own little experience with the elderly lady at the end, because the list reminded me of it. 🙂
    Thanks for the comment!

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