On Giving Up

This past week has been typical in my life, in that there were lots of ups and downs.  Health wise, I’ve seen some minor improvements, some set backs, and a lot more physical pain.  I don’t really care to get into great detail. I’m not really in the mood to talk about the details with anyone.

But I just want to say that if you are facing difficult times, you shouldn’t let anyone drag you down.  Especially not a doctor, who is supposed to be there to help you.  If you have no other medical options, then you may have to tolerate the person to the best of your ability. But try your best not to let them stress you out or make you feel defeated.

This past week I said to a doctor, “I just want to get better.”   To which she replied…

by LAUGHING IN MY FACE.

That’s right.  She laughed in my face as if the idea of me thinking I might possibly get better, was so stupid as to be amusing.

After this lovely and oh-so-enjoyable appointment, I got into the car with my husband kinda shell-shocked, and came home.  I bitched a little, I had a bit of a cry, and then I moved on.

Because I have three little people who count on me.  And parents that don’t deserve to have to bury another child. Those are the things that keep me going on my darkest days.  And I am not going down without a fight – no matter what some doctor says.

I am not in denial.  It would be really hard to be in denial, given my symptoms and the things that I face every single day.  But that doesn’t mean I should pretend there is no hope.  Even if everything they are saying is 100% true, it is not totally hopeless.

The idea of my children growing up without me, terrifies me.  I pray every day that does not happen.  But if it ever does, I want them to be able to say, “My mother loved us enough to fight every single day.  My mother never gave up on being with us for as long as possible.

I don’t have control over as many things as I would like these days.  But I do have control over that.

The way I see things, God made me hard-headed and stubborn for good reasons. It’s gotten me through many things in life, and it continues to aid me to this day.

I will not accept defeat.  And if I do loose, I will go down swinging.

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5 Responses to “On Giving Up”

  1. technogran1 Says:

    And putting it all into words in this blog can be so therapeutic.Your doctor was wrong to laugh in your face, but hey! I am sure that made you all the more determined to go right ahead and prove her wrong!

  2. thypolarlife Says:

    I have been there and done that. Still fighting even though I have been told there is nothing that can be done and I will never get better. I took those bad experiences with my doctors and used them as fuel for the energy to fight back. my thoughts are with you and I’m sorry you had to experience that.

    • Debbie Says:

      Thank you. I suspect that most people who battle a chronic illness, end up dealing with doctors like that at some point in time or another. That’s really why I shared it here. It’s so easy when you are so frustrated anyway, to let someone like that frustrate you more. But like you said, you’ve got to turn it around and use it as motivation to fight back.

  3. » How I spent my Thanksgiving – Part 2 DorkyDeb.com Says:

    […] stuck watching it.  I was pleasantly surprised.  Despite the doctor I saw earlier in the week (see previous post) that seemed to be trying to make me accept a doom and gloom future, I only had ONE problematic […]


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