On Giving Up

This past week has been typical in my life, in that there were lots of ups and downs.  Health wise, I’ve seen some minor improvements, some set backs, and a lot more physical pain.  I don’t really care to get into great detail. I’m not really in the mood to talk about the details with anyone.

But I just want to say that if you are facing difficult times, you shouldn’t let anyone drag you down.  Especially not a doctor, who is supposed to be there to help you.  If you have no other medical options, then you may have to tolerate the person to the best of your ability. But try your best not to let them stress you out or make you feel defeated.

This past week I said to a doctor, “I just want to get better.”   To which she replied…


That’s right.  She laughed in my face as if the idea of me thinking I might possibly get better, was so stupid as to be amusing.

After this lovely and oh-so-enjoyable appointment, I got into the car with my husband kinda shell-shocked, and came home.  I bitched a little, I had a bit of a cry, and then I moved on.

Because I have three little people who count on me.  And parents that don’t deserve to have to bury another child. Those are the things that keep me going on my darkest days.  And I am not going down without a fight – no matter what some doctor says.

I am not in denial.  It would be really hard to be in denial, given my symptoms and the things that I face every single day.  But that doesn’t mean I should pretend there is no hope.  Even if everything they are saying is 100% true, it is not totally hopeless.

The idea of my children growing up without me, terrifies me.  I pray every day that does not happen.  But if it ever does, I want them to be able to say, “My mother loved us enough to fight every single day.  My mother never gave up on being with us for as long as possible.

I don’t have control over as many things as I would like these days.  But I do have control over that.

The way I see things, God made me hard-headed and stubborn for good reasons. It’s gotten me through many things in life, and it continues to aid me to this day.

I will not accept defeat.  And if I do loose, I will go down swinging.


Thankful Journal

Since it is the time of year that we often spend thinking about the issue of thankfulness, I thought this might be a good time to write an article I’ve had in my head for a while.  It is just something that I do, that I thought others might like to do as well.

For years I have kept what I call my “Thankful Journal”.  I get a small, narrow journal and in the front of it I write…

Today I am Thankful for…

Then on the rest of the pages I place the date, then I finish the rest of that sentence.  Skip a space, then repeat on the next day.  So the journal lasts for a very long time.  Here’s an example from my own Thankful Journal:

a fun telephone conversation with an old friend.

See how simple that is? I try to pick it up every day and write at least one thing every day.  It is not a “journal” in the long drawn out form.  It is literally just the last half of a sentence every day.  It doesn’t have to be something big, it can be any thing.  And sometimes I forget for a day or two.  I try not to, but it happens.  And I don’t stress about it. It’s not a chore, it’s a Thankful Journal.   😉

If your budget allows, I recommend getting a pretty little journal that looks like the keepsake that it is.  If your budget does not allow, you can use anything, a notebook, anything.  Just keep it separate from other journaling, etc. so that the focus remains clear.

In the past I used some lovely journals by Paperblanks.  But my latex sensitivity will no longer tolerate the odor of the adhesive in their binding.  I then went on the search for something affordable, and latex-free, that was slightly nicer than a plain wire notebook.  I found these:  (I apologize in advance for the not-so-great image quality.)

M brand by Staples Journals

They are a Staples brand. I have never seen them on their website, only in stores. They are currently $3.99 for a 3 pack.  Which works out to $1.33 each. Which isn’t bad at all for how long they last, when writing just a short half of a sentence each day.

Each 6 x 4 inch mini journal has 80 narrow ruled pages. Several days worth typically fits on each page, so one 3 pack could easily last you 3 years.

3 cover styles per pack

While not quite as fancy or durable as my former, hard-bound Paperblanks journals, these are nice and are bound in a way that does not give me asthma attacks – which is a necessity for me.

My point is, even with limitations physical or financial, most can find some nice little book in which to keep a Thankful Journal.

Another option would be to keep a private blog.  But for something like this, I prefer a journal, something physical I can hold and look at, and have with me anywhere at any time.

I find it to be a simple, yet worthwhile activity.  It makes me consciously stop and make an effort to be thankful each and every day.  And on low days (and we all have those), you can not only find one simple thing to be thankful for, but you can open up your Thankful Journal and read back over it.  And you will be reminded of all of the wonderful blessings in your life.

Pre-printed love notes from Mom?

A few days ago I was in a bookstore with my husband and I saw this.

What is this, you say?

Well as far as I could tell, it was a booklet of pre-printed tear out notes of love, encouragement, etc. “from Mom”.

Complete with suggestions to stick them in in your children’s lunch boxes, backpacks, etc.

I recall first seeing a booklet of these a couple of years ago and being kind of shocked at the time.

But this week I noticed that there were more of these types of booklets, and in various styles, etc.  So does that mean these things have caught on and are actually selling?

Have we really became a society so detached from our children that we need pre-printed, perforated love notes from Mom?

If you want to leave your child a note, does it really take too much time to write that short sentence in your own handwriting, and I dunno… actually sign it?

November 11th

I know what Nov. 11th is.  It is Veteran’s Day.  And nothing I’m about to say should be taken as a slight to our veterans.  The majority of the men in my family (including my husband, father, grandfathers, etc.) are veterans.  I have a tremendous amount of respect for those that serve our country.  I think of them and their sacrifices on a daily basis.  I teach my children to appreciate what those in uniform do and have done, to give them the life that they lead today.

But to me, November 11th will always be “Grandma’s Birthday”.   One of my grandmothers was born on November 11th. She was a very playful grandma and child-like in some ways.  When my first cousins and I were very small she would tell us with a sly smile that school wasn’t in session on Nov. 11th, because it was “Grandma’s Birthday”.  🙂

My Grandma is in Heaven now.  But no matter how old I get, when I hear “November 11th” my mind goes to the woman that kept us many weekends, let us run a muck, bought all our favorite foods, took us around and taught us about trees, flowers and birds, fed us grapes from her carefully kept grapevines – popping them in our little open mouths while she called us “her baby birds”.

It’s 2 o’clock in the morning and Nov. 11th is technically over for this year, but she’s been on my mind all day.  Like all the other November elevenths before today.  Oh what I wouldn’t give to have one more weekend with her and PawPaw. One more Friday night staying up late with my cousins, trying to be just quiet enough to not wake anyone.  One more fun filled Saturday that started with my PawPaw loudly playing his fiddle at the crack of dawn and my Gram clanging pots and pans in the kitchen.  One more Saturday to play all day.  One more Sunday morning together, listening to my Grandma sing and complain about how hot the church was.  One more Sunday dinner with my family all around.  One more game of UNO or dominos after dinner.  One more chance to hug her goodbye & tell her I’d see her next weekend.

I can’t have any of those things again.  But I thank God for the blessings in my life and the wonderful people I have been able to call family.

Yep, Nov. 11th will always be Grandma’s Birthday.

I love you and miss you dearly, Gram.


The Difference Between Men and Women

So we were going down the interstate today.  In a particularly tricky area with lots of lane changes, tractor trailers breaking the speed limit, and people driving poorly.  An area that, for all of the aforementioned reasons, is rather accident prone.

I look over to my right and I see this truck with a smallish, flat, open, trailer behind it.  On the trailer is a very long skinny piece of steel.  The steel pole is sticking out….  I’m going to guess…. approximately 12 feet past the end of the trailer, at a tilt, ending at about windshield height, if a car were behind it.  It had a small red flag tied to the end, as law requires, but it was still very hard to see.

To me it just looked like a horrible accident waiting to happen.  As we came to the area with heavy lane changes (oh and did I mention this is also all taking place on a bridge?), a car driving too fast is quickly approaching the pipe, while changing lanes.  In that nanosecond it looked as if that car was going to drive directly into that pipe.

And in that nanosecond, my husband and I both said something out loud at the exact same time.

I said, in a worried tone, “Oh my Gosh!”

My husband said (in a tone you might use while watch America’s Funniest Home Videos), “Oh Watch this!”


The car ended up crossing into yet another lane, so by the time it was even with the pipe, it was in different lane.  But from our angle the whole thing looked very close.

My husband said our reactions were a perfect example of the differences between men and women.  Then he added, “And yeah, you can blog that.”   😉

Politics on Facebook

I am well aware of the fact that I haven’t discussed politics on this blog.  That is not an accident, that was a conscious choice.  Quite frankly I am sick of political conversations.  And before anyone goes jumping all over me, I think it is *extremely* important to be informed and vote.  Not just vote.  Educate yourself, then vote.

But I don’t want to discuss it here.  There are a million places online where people banter non-stop about politics.  The world does not need that from DorkyDeb.com  Just. Not. Necessary.

(Please keep that in mind if you have a desire to post something nasty and political in the comments of this post… lol)

Now someday I might change my mind about that.  I doubt it, but you never know.  I suppose one of the good things about running your own blog is you can post whatever you want.

Well today, I am NOT talking politics.  I am talking about political posts on Facebook.  I’m not talking about a particular thing that is personally important to someone or their circle of friends.  I am referring to the endless drivel that people post and post and post and post.  What I thought would make me happy is if Facebook had a way that people could tag their status updates as political.  And if you then had the ability to block that person’s political status updates, and not their regular status updates, from your feed.  I realize it will likely never happen.  But I would love it all the same.  Because right now the options are to delete the annoying person totally, or block all of their status updates.  Neither of which I typically want to do.

Although I have done it, in regards to a pair of very extreme individuals… but to explain that situation would be a post all to itself.

Regardless of what your political beliefs are, if you are using Facebook, and have a wide variety of friends with different view points, you probably have at least one person on your list that annoys you with frequent political posts.  If that person is a family member or close friend, you may not want to block or delete them.  So they are just there, annoying you.  These are reasons that people leave Facebook (one of millions of reasons, but a reason all the same).

Have you ever thought to yourself, “Wow!  It would be a lot easier to like you, if you didn’t say such incredibly stupid/hateful/vile things?” I know to some that might sound harsh, but if you’ve been through it, you know what I mean.

And it’s not that I am close-minded or one-sided.  I think I take a very honest and individual approach to all people.  I am a registered Independent (not that that is anyone’s business), and I don’t feel the need to agree with people on political views.  I am perfectly happy to agree to disagree.  But the problem really comes into play (at least for me) when people feel the need to lie to push their agenda.  Lying is a HUGE pet peeve of mine.  HUGE.  I just have so little tolerance for it.  I can totally disagree with someone 100% and that is fine.  I can totally respect someone’s right to a difference of opinion.  But if they lie to push their agenda, then that just pisses me off.  Plain and simple.

Another thing that gets on my nerves is glaring hypocrisy.  I am sure we are all hypocrites in our own special way.  But recently I saw some holier-than-thou posts about how “we should be praying for our leaders not making posts criticizing or mocking them”.   Now what made this so amusing or annoying (maybe both) is who is posting this.  Because the individual, previously posted some very very very personally insulting things in regards to a particular political figure.  And every time I see this person’s holier-than-thou post, I have to bite my tongue (or fingers I suppose) to keep from replying with, “Yes, just like you did when you posted about ________?”

And one of these days I’ll probably be in just a pissy enough mood to do it.  Then there will of course be fallout.

Clearly what that person actually meant was, “I wish people would please stop insulting the people I LIKE.” Because they’ve already made it perfectly clear by their actions that it is perfectly ok in their mind to do so, as long as they hate the political figure in question.

Now I don’t really have much of an opinion on the post.  But I have an opinion on THAT person posting it, AFTER doing the exact opposite.

It’s stuff like that, that I would rather not see.

BUT… to argue the opposite side of this….
Is it a good idea to know the political thoughts of the people you are dealing with?  Because while I like to separate these things, Can you really?  Can you really separate some of these deeply held beliefs with the person?  I think it depends on the political issue at hand and the seriousness of the issue.

Also if they made available an option like this, then people would want other options.  I can hear it now, “Can I get a monotonous tag, for those people who tell you what they ate at every.single.meal. ? ”  LOL  Stuff like that.  So I see how it could be complicated and not work.  Plus you would be counting on the individual to be honest and tag their posts as political when they were, unless you added a “mark political” tag, so that people could tag it themselves.

What do you think?  Would you like to see a “political” tag on Facebook so that you had the option to get an individual’s political updates or not?  Or are we better off knowing the political beliefs of the people we deal with?  I am on the fence, how about you?

Perhaps the best option would be a “hide this post” option, without hiding the person’s entire feed.  So that at least when you read it once, you didn’t have to see it again.

Ask Me Anything

So awhile back I posted an invite to ask me anything, and I thought today I’d get around to answering one of the questions I received.  So here it goes….

Dorky Deb,

What is one of the things you find most challenging about being a parent?

I think there are many things that I find challenging (yet worthwhile) as a parent.  I think being a mother is the hardest job I have ever had, yet by far the most rewarding.  But this one thing in particular was really on my mind yesterday, so I will mention it.  One of the things that I find most challenging is the feeling of always being behind.  There is only so much time in a day, and for me only so much ability to do things, and if I spend a chunk of time doing one thing it feels like 5 other things get behind.  You have to really prioritize because for every one thing you choose to do, you are basically choosing to not do five others.  I think that is the experience of many mothers, not just those with health issues.  But one of the things that I really enjoyed before children and before my accident was the feeling of a long hard days work (at my job and around my home) and being “done” for the day.

I never really feel “done” for the day anymore.  And that’s mostly my fault for perceiving it that way, I suppose.  I am in many ways the stereotypical type A personality and when that personality is in a body that does less than what they want it to do, it’s pretty easy to end up frustrated.  But I do find great satisfaction in “good” days health wise, and whatever I can get accomplished.

For example yesterday I had some energy so I thought I would tackle cleaning out the kid’s closets of shirts & dresses that didn’t fit anymore.  I just did this in the spring.  But there was a rather large number of shirts that just didn’t fit anymore, for both my son and my daughter.  So I tackled that tonight.  I was so satisfied during the process.  I was at the end of my rope physically by the end.  But thrilled to have it done and to make space for their new larger shirts we purchased this week. But as I was finishing that old familiar feeling of gloom set in.  The – Darn it! I am out of steam and have this, this, this, this, this and this I still want/need to do – feeling.  I hate that feeling.  It takes a very conscious effort to remind myself that I need to be thankful for the ability to have done what I have, and tackle the rest as I can.

So that’s my answer – Never feeling like I’m finished for the day.  Always wishing I had more time, more energy, and more accomplished for/with my children.

But they are worth every moment.  Every frustration.  It pales in comparison to the overwhelming love and joy they bring to my life every single day.

At this exact moment, as I type this, my 6-year-old daughter is in the bathtub happily singing “Home on the Range” at the top of her lungs.  And I wouldn’t trade it for anything.


If you’d like to share, leave me a comment and let me know one of the things you find challenging as a parent.

~ And if you have a question you’d like for me to consider in a future “Ask Me Anything”?
Send it to